If all the world were mine and if it were pure gold
And I could by desire always stay here as the noblest, loveliest, richest Queen,
All that would be worthless to me!
I would much rather see Christ my beloved Lord in heavenly glory.
-Mechthild of Magdeburg
There are many things about the Lord that overwhelm and amaze me. But, there is a specific characteristic that continues to surprise and take my breath away every time I experience it.
The Lord is a Romancer. He pursues, He loves, and He woos my heart. He does it with a reckless passion that I can best describe through cheesy love songs like Feels Like Home and To Make You Feel My Love.
Prior to marriage, the way I related to God the most intimately and the most often was imagining Him as my Husband. It's hard to explain, but Jesus was the one I would confide in, dance with, laugh with, and be the last one I spoke to before I fell asleep at night. Jesus was the one who held me when I was sad or afraid. He would tell me I was beautiful and lovely when I needed to hear it (and even when I didn't). Jesus was my Husband and I needed no other--many times I didn't even want another. Strangely enough, I would pray that Jesus wouldn't bring a man into my life for a long time, because I treasured my romance with Him so much that I didn't want it to change! (Thankfully, His ways are higher than mine, and the Lord brought Jonathan into my life. I'll post about this soon.)
A few weeks ago I was feeling exhausted and drained. Jonathan knows that when I am feeling empty, the best thing for me is to spend an afternoon at Starbucks, so he asked me to go. Honestly, I didn't feel like it, but did because he asked me. I don't know what it is about Starbucks specifically, but it seems that the moment I sit down in one of those comfy chairs with my extra hot chai, I am in the presence of God.
One of my favorite memories is from the Starbucks on CU's campus. I remember sitting there, listening to my ipod and drinking in the very tangible and alive presence of God. His presence was so alive that when I looked up, it seemed like the people around me were swirling like leaves around me while I was completely still. It was a moment of eternity in the temporary world. It was beautiful.
Anyway, I sat down and heard Him calling to me. I began to journal and process where my heart was and where I longed to be with Him. I remembered those pre-marriage times where Jesus was all I had and all I wanted. Then, the Lord brought the song Blessed Be Your Name to my mind. In the past, I've always focused on blessing His name when things are difficult. But, what about the times of my greatest contentment and peace? I have shown Him that I need Him when I have nothing else, but now He is calling me to be desperate for Him when I have everything. Can I praise Him when life is easy?
And finally, I sat still long enough to hear Him remind me of who He created me to be, and who I am to Him. Jesus Christ is my Fountain. He is my Sustinance, my Glory, my Treasure, my Reward. He has cloaked me with His love and calls me to live in it--stepping in to this mysterious romance, living each moment with the hope and longing to see Him face to face. There is no need to strategize how to be a good example, or reach others, or even be a "good Christian." There is only Jesus: there is falling wildly in love with my heavenly Lover and living with no greater desire than to see Him face to face.
Amen. Come Lord Jesus. You are so beautiful to me.