They were planning to test my glucose to see if I had gestational diabetes, so I had to begin the morning with no sugar. Not a big deal. I usually eat grape nuts with soy milk and honey, but I went for an all-natural, organic peanut butter sandwich instead. I got to the doctor, did my usual pee-in-a-cup routine, and then they sat me down and had me drink a bottle of "juice". The best way to describe it is that it tasted like Hawaiian Punch with some extra sugar. The nurse was very no-nonsense when she told me I had to finish the bottle in 5 minutes, so I drank it down. I was then forbidden of putting anything in my mouth (those words exactly) for the next 60 minutes.
Next, down the hall to meet with the OB nurse to talk through my birth plan. My thoughts: what birth plan??? I'm supposed to have one of those? Here's how the conversation went:
Nurse: So, have you pre-registered at the hospital?
Nurse: You need to do that soon. Have you taken a birthing class?
Me: Um...no (as I sink deeper down into my chair)
Nurse: You need to do that too. You at least need to learn infant CPR
Me: Oh, I'm CPR certified! Well, er, I'm adult CPR certified, but I'm pretty sure I know how to do it on a baby too. (I then mimic giving CPR to an infant.)
Nurse: (eyes narrowing) Okay, I guess that will work. Well, you have found a pediatrician, right?
Me: Ahhh, no.
Nurse: (doesn't even look at me) Well, here's a list of pediatricians we recommend. What about cord blood banking?
Me: Yeah, we haven't talked about that one either.
Nurse: You have to register for that within 2 weeks. You need to make a decision.
Me: (sheepishly) Okay...
Nurse: (still not making eye contact) So, do you have any questions for me?
Me: Ummmm, I guess I don't even know what to ask you.
Nurse: Yeah. Okay, see you later.
That meeting was reminiscent of dentist visits when everyone shuns you because you don't floss. Really, I can't be the only one who doesn't do all of this stuff, right? I mean, the baby is coming whether I do it or not. It'll all work out...right?
Anyway, next, I went to the doctor. That part was pretty painless. She measured my stomach, (though I foolishly wore a dress so I had to expose a bit more than just my belly). Apparently I'm measuring right on schedule. And, little Aurora's heartbeat sounds good. I always tear up when I hear her heart! The doctor assured me that all of my aches, pains, cramps, contractions, etc. are normal and I'm good to go.
Then, off to the lab. As the lab tech took my blood she said, "the magic number is 134." My thought, "Okay, whatever lady. I don't even need to get tested for this. I'm really healthy and I don't eat much sugar or anything, so there's no way I'm diabetic." Thirty seconds later, the lab tech says: "Oooh, 149. Looks like you might have it." My response: "What??? There's no way! I'm really healthy and I don't eat too much sugar or anything! There's no way!" The lab tech calmly explained that it has nothing to do with health and diet, but some womens' bodies go out of whack during pregnancy and stop processing sugar. So, she scheduled me for a 3 hour glucose test next Wednesday. Here's the absolute ridiculousness of what it consists of:
Beginning Sunday morning, I have to go on a 72 hour sugar binge. (No, not fast, but BINGE.) These are my instructions:
1. Eat 3 meals a day, with 2 servings of bread or starch with each meal.
2. Also, eat 4 of the foods listed below with your meal or as snacks:
- 16 oz apple or orange juice
- 16oz sweetened koolaid (does unsweetened even exist???)
- 10oz grape juice (so far, so good. I can handle juice)
- 1 pint of ice cream (wait, so you're saying i have to eat the equivalent of 4 pints of ice cream in a day???)
- 1 cup of sherbet
- 1 cup of pudding
- 1/2 cup raisins (now, I like raisins, but 1/2 cup is a little excessive, don't you think?)
- 2 candy bars (I'm supposed to eat 2 candy bars for 1 of my 4 non-meals?)
- 8-10 small cookies (...there is no way I could eat this many cookies!)
- 2 large or 4 small brownies (to go with my pint of ice cream?)
- 2 large or 6 small donuts (good thing Dunkin Donuts is just down the road. My co-workers will love me!)
- 2 cupcakes
- 1 large slice of cake
- 1 large slice of pie
- 1 large 16oz soft drink
- 2 honey buns (if I knew what honey buns even were, that would help)
- 1 peanut butter/jelly (okay, that's do-able)
- 4 tablespoons of sugar (yummm, I guess I could finally embrace Southern sweet tea)
- 1/4 cup of syrup (how many pancakes do I need to eat to get that much syrup?)
- 2 large bananas (ahhh, I love bananas!)
After my 72 hours, I'm supposed to fast (i.e. sleep for 8 hours) and go into the doctor at 8am on Wednesday with a good book. They'll take my blood and then I'll drink another Hawaiian Punch nasty drink (except twice as sweet as today's). Then, for the next 3 hours, they'll take my blood again every hour on the hour. If my blood sugar is "off the charts" 2 or more times, I guess I have gestational diabetes. If not...I probably put myself over the recommended pregnancy weight gain for no reason. Now, I'm not a researcher, but according to the paperwork, gestational diabetes can easily be controlled through diet, so I'm not worried if I have it--though it is ironic that they pump you full of sugar just to cut it out.
All this said, to make the experience more enjoyable, beginning Sunday I'm going to be blogging my daily menu (and probably my mood spikes as well), so all 7 of you who read this blog can imagine what it must feel like to shove your face full of all the things we're meant to avoid. And don't be too jealous because being forced to eat food, even if it is yummy, isn't all that much fun.
Here's to embracing that all-American eating lifestyle!