Jonathan and I were both talking last night about what life will be like when I have my body back...well, what remains of my body.
According to the doctor, I'm 3-4cm dialated and 70% effaced. And yes, I know that it's way further along than many of you were when you went into labor. But, I also know it doesn't mean she'll come any sooner. It just means that my labor will most-likely move faster in the hospital because so much of the work has already been done. (Maybe we should pack our hospital bag?) I'm also pretty sure I'm done showing my stomach forever seeing as how it's exploded in stretch marks. The past two nights have consisted of false labor contractions for up to 4 hours and I had to leave work early today because of how unwell I felt. Alas, the end is in sight and God is good. He's been teaching me lots these past few days.
I'm learning a lot about patience. I've found that it's become really easy to spend most of my time thinking about myself the past couple of weeks in waiting for Aurora to get here. And confession: when another friend of mine who has the same due date as me had her baby last weekend, I actually cried. It was at that point I realized that my priorities have somehow become sidetracked a bit. I guess it's just easy to settle into everything being about Aurora and me because most conversations I have are about when she's coming, etc. But, that's not what we're about, and I definitely don't want to bring her into a lifestyle where we are the priority. So, I've been making efforts to stop spending so much time thinking about her arrival, labor, when it will happen, etc. Falling asleep at night, I find myself playing over scenario after scenario about when she'll come. So instead, I have to stop myself and really start thinking about other things. Our amazing church had a great outreach yesterday where they basically had a carnival for kids from a struggling elementary school down the road. On Saturday night, Jonathan and I got to visit the Warehouse youth ministry (where the coffee shop he opened is) in order for them to thank him and say goodbye to him as he starts his newest working adventure. These are the things I need to be pouring my thoughts and prayers and time into. There is so much need and hunger for hope and life that is so easily forgotten when I spend so much time focused inwardly.
That said, I'm thankful for the frustration I feel in her not being here yet. I'm learning more and more about patience, choosing joy (despite the aches, pains, and out of control hormones), and I'm being reminded again and again that it's not about me...ever.