Friday, April 06, 2012

Stability

Last night our twins had probably the worst night of sleep since coming home.  Favor cried hard for about 45 minutes before she ran out of steam and fell asleep, even as I held her hand and tried to comfort her.  Throughout the night she woke up every hour or so and whined until I reached out and calmed her down... during one extended cry she grabbed my hand and pressed it firmly to her wet cheek as she continued sobbing.  Faith woke up in the middle of the night, cried hysterically, and tried to get out of her bed... she also made me hold her hand and then she moaned with every breath until she fell back asleep 20 minutes later. 

What made last night so hard and so different from other relatively easy nights?  I think it may have had to do with us acquiring a new (used) vehicle last night before bedtime.  We inherited Sarah's grandfather's minivan, which we are definitely appreciative of now that our family has grown by 66.6%.  On our way home from picking it up, I drove all the girls in the van separately from Sarah.  The whole drive back I tried to show excitement for our new car, but Favor just stared blankly while Faith asked over and over, "Daddy, [where's] Mommy?"  It seemed that this change shook them up a little bit, and they looked like they were unsure of what was going on.  This possibly later affected their sleep throughout the night.


Faith and Favor have had their world turned upside down.  Imagine sleeping in the same crib for four years, playing with the same fellow orphans, being taken care of by the same house mothers, eating a certain kind of food and speaking a certain language... and then one day these two people show up and plop you into a life where everything you've known is gone and now everything is new and strange.  Will the old life ever come back?  Will these new caretakers hand you off to someone else one day?  How long will the change last?



We're trying to give these girls stability.  A sense of permanence.  We're forming new concepts for them with regard to family, home, physical affection with strangers, boundaries, Mommy and Daddy.  We have to be sensitive to their perceptions of any changes in life at all, including a new car.  Any new experience has the potential to shake them up and make them doubt that this new life is anything but stable. 

So those are some reasons why we're not hanging out with friends every single day, why we're asking people not to pick up the twins or cuddle with them, why we seem to be holed up in our home all the time nowadays.  We appreciate how understanding everyone is, and we pray that this transition continues to go well.  But a feeling of complete stability... it looks like that is going to take months and years before it really sets in.  Until then, we're doing everything we can to protect our girls' emotional well-being.  And hopefully we can all sleep peacefully through the night.

2 comments:

Mike and Leslie said...

I will be praying for you guys in this transitional state! It can't be easy. I hope my wife and I are prepared for when our day comes. Blessings!

Unknown said...

I predict that one day you will all look back at this and smile, amazed at how far you've come as a family and won't be able to imagine any other life! God bless you all. - Ninong Jody